In relationships, one of the biggest determining factors of whether or not one will succeed is also a topic that seldom gets examined and discussed nearly enough between men and women. And, the topic I'm referring to is finances, particularly in the sense of how much a woman is expecting a man to earn.
Most men are completely unaware there's an unspoken expectation of women that the man they're with is supposed to earn enough to provide them with a certain level of comfort. And, after a certain amount of time, if the man isn't able to give her a certain kind of lifestyle, his woman will begin to lose respect for him. In most cases, this interpersonal dynamic occurs for the woman on a subconscious level. A woman is almost never going to straight up tell a man, "I don't respect you anymore because you're not providing me with the lifestyle and comfort I expected you to."
What typically happens is that the woman begins making performing small acts of passive aggression, which, inevitably, become more and more disrespectful over time. Acts such as the following: Frequently instigating quarrels and bickering with the man over petty topics, constantly bragging about the accomplishments of other men to her man more than she does his own achievements, increasingly becoming less engaging and open emotionally (stops making an effort to grow closer), begins competing against her man rather than assisting him in becoming a better competitor, etc.
While some women can be blatant in expressing their dissatisfaction, in this regard, most women aren't even aware of why they're doing what they're doing to their partners. They just know they've lost respect for and no longer look up to them. This is why 70% of divorces filed are done so by women and why 43% of all divorces are filed due to "basic incompatibility."
Now let me explain something, folks. People who are incompatible typically don't arrive at the point of marriage. After all, the whole point of dating is to figure out, in fact, if you're compatible with someone before you marry them. What "basic incompatibility" really means is that a woman, over time, begins to gradually lose respect for a man who isn't upgrading her life to the level she expects him to. And, by default, she becomes less attracted (compatible) to him overall.
The equivalent to that from the man's perspective would be if a woman was in-shape and living a healthy lifestyle, and then, after marriage, she lets herself go and starts looking like the Michelin Man.
Again, there are some men out there who would blatantly let their woman know they want to leave them because they let themselves gain a ton of weight. But, the average man isn't going to tell his woman that's why he's begun seeing a younger and slimmer woman behind her back; he just starts doing it.
So, really "basic incompatibility" is still closely tied to finances.
I'm, in no way, saying a woman should get with a man and not look forward to some kind of upgrade to her life nor that she should not have some type of expectation of what her life is going to look like in the future, based on what that man is able to provide for her. However, it's time for the women to become a lot more mature and to start being more honest and forthcoming about what they really expect out of men–and they need to have the integrity and fortitude to actually articulate it openly.
The culture of "he should just magically know what my expectations are" amongst the women needs to die and fade away. Men and women are adults, and adults need to put in the work of becoming mature enough to properly annunciate their own wants and preferences and to properly interpret that of others.
If your expectation of your man is for him to provide you with a certain kind of house in a certain kind of neighborhood within "x" amount of years of being in a relationship, then, you need to make that undeniably clear at the beginning of the relationship. And, it also needs to be made clear you'll be entertaining other options if he doesn't deliver. A man needs to know where he stands, and it's only fair that a woman be honest with him in that regard so that he fully understands what is required of him to earn your fidelity.
Men get into relationships under the assumption that what we need to focus on to keep a woman's attraction is enhancing our overall personality, and doing so is definitely key in attracting women. Men are almost never made aware every woman alive has a specific financial expectation when it comes to the man she deals with.
So when his lady begins losing more and more respect for him over time, like how I described early, and when she eventually leaves him, he becomes bitter and angry because he has no idea how a woman could go from someone with who they shared all their hopes, dreams, and most intimate secrets with to a person that is totally fine with not ever speaking to them for life.
As the old saying goes, "Men marry women hoping they'll never change; women marry men hoping that they will." The men who are operating in good faith, in the sense they think being faithful, continuing to build their integrity and moral character, becoming more resourceful, and striving to compliment their partner's very being with their own is what we'll keep a woman loyal to them, are emotionally devastated and destroyed when their woman leaves them after years of commitment–after years of them investing their time and energy into enhancing those attributes.
They're completely unaware of the importance of the financial component and are completely caught off-guard when a woman's whole demeanor begins to flip.
9 times out of 10, a man is going to find a way to give the woman who he really fools with what she desires, within reason. One thing I've always said about women is that they inspire and push us men to accomplish feats we never could have been motivated to do on our own. Women kindle and fuel the innovative and competitive spirit in us. However, there's no way a man can go above and beyond for you if you don't make what you expect clear and concise so that he can properly and effectively focus his efforts to accomplish the goal, on your behalf.
While many women might think it looks "rude" or "shallow" to make it clear what you're financial expectations are. What's really rude and shallow is completely destroying a man's ability to ever connect with a woman again and, in turn, to ever start a family by suddenly leaving him over finances w/o letting him know how important that aspect of relationships was to you right out of the gate.
Some men, whether by good fortune or through sheer work ethic, have found a lane where they've been able to achieve a certain level of financial provision where relationship issues like the one I'm speaking about never come up. That said, being that we live in an ultra-competitive and outrageously expensive world, where certain skills and talents are highly valued and where many are not, the majority of men will have to contend with this dynamic in their own relationships.
Fellas, make no mistake. ALL women have certain financial expectations of you And it's your job, before getting into a long-term committed relationship with a woman, to make sure she's very clear on what her idea of what life is supposed to look like 2, 4, or 5 years down the road with you.
Now, ladies, while I will say there's nothing wrong with having those kinds of expectations, at the same time, the question then has to be asked, what are you bringing to the table to a man that is worth that kind of lifestyle you're expecting him to provide for you? When I pose that question to many of the women I give relationship advice to, the common answer is, "Well, I can cook and clean and be a man's support." To that, I ask them, "Is cooking and cleaning of the same value as what you're requiring of your man, and have you verified with him that it is?"
All too often, women approach relationships from the standpoint of "How can I benefit from this" as opposed to "What can I contribute of value to this righteous institution?"
It's in women's biology to want a protector and provider. Furthermore, in a world overwhelmingly dictated by nature/the laws of physics and in a world that is heartlessly competitive and ruthless, especially to a woman who is pregnant or nursing, it's wise to want a protector and provider. On a basic, instinctual level, I think women have the right idea. Where women run into problems, though, is when they begin equating protection and provision exclusively with a particular lifestyle expectation they have in their heads.
Money does matter when it comes to protection and provision, no doubt. The crucial point where women screw up when it comes to their choice of men, though, is that they make money the important element of what composes and protector and provider. What good does it do for a man to be a protector and provider if he's physically and verbally abusive? What good does that do if he gained the wealth you find attractive through corrupt and immoral means? What good does it do if he's not father material? What good does it do if he doesn't know how to competently game you up mentally, emotionally, and physically?
To the men, understand this aspect of female nature before going into a relationship. You'll save yourselves a great deal of heartache and frustration in doing so. We don't have to like that part of female nature as men. Our job, though, is not to like it but to understand it as much as we can and navigate the world of male/female relationships accordingly. As a boyfriend or a husband, you will be expected by your woman to always be striving to excel.
There will never be any lulls or breaks. She's always looking for you to better yourself professionally, intellectually, and physically. She can tolerate rough patches and down periods–or at least she should be the kind of woman that will. But, every woman has a limit. If she starts becoming snarky and cold with you more and more out of nowhere, now you have an understanding of the dynamic that's really at play.
Always strive for excellence in everything you do, from your career to taking out the damn garbage. Personality is great and a woman should value a man of well-rounded attributes. But as a man, you do yourself no favors by assuming the amount of money you make is not important to a woman.
To the ladies, it's time to be adults, and the mark of adults is they–or at least should– be able to properly use words to explain whatever position they're coming from. Simply acting out of emotion when something displeases us, rather than giving an account of the reasoning for our actions, is what children do. We live in a world where corporate entities like TV networks and social media platforms infantilize women into thinking they can get the maximum amount of benefits out of a man simply by being born with nice tits, a cute face, and a bubble ass. Ladies, you will need to invest the time and put in the work to grow, mind, body, and soul.
Men who actually are worth a damn and are going places value a woman who's willing to make that daily investment. You need to actually set aside to read and research information, on a daily basis, to not only acquire the vocabulary and ideological footing to effectively express what you expect from a man and why but to also become the kind of mature woman who can identify and value qualities like integrity, tenacity, consistency, and courage in a man.
As the old saying goes, real recognizes real. How can you admire and be attracted to certain positive and healthy attributes when you, yourself, don't know what they look like because you don't embody them?
Far too many women are quick to look at income, or the source thereof, without taking the time to gauge a man's overall character. While money definitely matters, character is far more important. The weak-minded and morally corrupted woman places an emphasis on superficial, face-value displays of "provision" (cars, clothes, home, etc.) A strong and disciplined woman investigates what that man/family had to do to obtain that wealth and how that man uses his resources to empower others and that he doesn't just hoard it all to himself.
As a said earlier, men will do whatever it takes to give the woman they care for whatever they desire. Men have no problem doing that; men have no problem doing that just as long as their toil and sacrifice on a woman's behalf is being equally compensated. Ladies, that being the case, know that whatever financial expectations you have for your current or future man come with a price.
Definitely make those expectations plain and clear before ever getting into a committed relationship. But in doing so, understand that no foundation of any partnership can successfully be established if one party is looking to get more out than they're willing to put in.
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