relationship guidance

A Man’s Confidence Isn’t Assumed; It Is Earned

In my "TheLevelsOfLove@gmail" inbox, an inquiry I receive quite a bit from the fellas that revolves around a particular theme.  And, the question normally goes something like this: "When I try to tell a woman that I like her and that I want to get to know her, I get nervous, freeze up, and I don't know what to say. It's like my mind goes blank. How do I stop from getting nervous, and how can I express what I really want to the woman I'm feeling, T.S.P? 

Now, there are a lot of "pick-up" artists and "relationship gurus" out there that might respond to a question such as this by saying something impractical and corny like, "Memorize these lines and say this when she says that," "You're not realizing your self-worth and that's why you're nervous," or "Talk to her like she ain't shit and that'll make them respect you and respond to you positively" (I've actually heard someone suggest that to men).

The problem these men are dealing with doesn't have anything to do with them just being inherently nervous whenever they encounter the opposite sex nor does it have to do with their technique.  Because just think about it for a second.  What purpose would nature serve by making a male nerve-wracked, clumsy, and clammy when attempting to get a female's attention. 

Essentially, what nature is doing is conducting a screening process.  Because, the reason these men freeze up and shut down is due to a lack of confidence.  And, despite what a lot of relationship blogs and books tell you all about what it means to have confidence, it, confidence, cannot be readily assumed; it can only be earned.  Simply telling yourself you're confident isn't going to make you confident. 

If a car is making a rattling sound, the "check engine" light keeps coming on, and it's leaking fluid every time you drive it, can you say you're confident you'll be able to get to work on time tomorrow morning?  You can say to yourself you're confident your clunker is going to get you to your destination, but deep down you know your job might be in jeopardy if the vehicle doesn't perform like it's supposed to.  

In other words, you cannot be confident in something or someone that hasn't earned that confidence, and that includes YOURSELF. 

If you live an unhealthy lifestyle, if your finances are a wreck, if you've never applied yourself in order to master a talent or skill, or if you've never committed yourself toward putting in the work necessary to understand the world around you for the purposes of knowing how to mold and shape it, as a man, you are the human equivalent of that clunker.  At the root of the nervousness guys get when interacting with girls, there is a fundamental lack of confidence in themselves.

They, whether it'd be on a conscious or subconscious level, understand they don't have much of anything substantive or significant to benefit a woman's life.  Therefore, they're nervous that the women they attempt to interact with will find discover that fact about them.  Nervousness occurs when you're afraid someone is going to find out something about you.  When you're a man who is seeking to improve himself physically, financially, professionally, and intellectually, on a daily basis, you won't feel the need to hide anything because you'll understand that you've earned the right to be confident.  

In fact, you will approach women knowing you have things of value to offer, and you'll want her to find out the intricacies that compose your life because you already know that what she finds will change her world for the better. 

If you're a man not undergoing the dedication and effort necessary toward becoming a true protector and provider, nature, in and of itself, doesn't want women to reward you with their company.  Therefore, it's your very biology itself working against you because you haven't taken care of business as a man. 

If you find yourself freezing up and not knowing what to say to a lady you like, maybe getting a woman shouldn't be a focus in your life at the moment. Maybe your focus, for the time being, should be on becoming the best version of yourself.

From the Soul,     


Hello Family,

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