Why I Created “The Levels of Love”

Welcome to my relationship guidance website, “The Levels of Love.” My name is The Stormy Poet. I am the author of two published anthologies, “Product of the Storm” and “A Pale Face for a Collar: Testimonials of an Office Rat,” and of my literary art, independent news, lifestyle guidance and social commentary site, TheStormyPoet.com (for the past 4 years. I appreciate you taking the time to stop by today.


Who is to blame for 42% of black women in the U.S. having been divorced at least once in their livesIs that the fault of the black man or the black woman?  Is it either?

❤Are white women considered by men to be more submissive and feminine to men than black women? 

❤Why does it seem like so many black men are choosing to be with white women instead of dating inside their own racial group?

❤Are white men more intellectual, polite, well-spoken, respectful, and less threatening to women than black men?

❤If you’re a white woman who only dates black men, is it because the physical attributes of black men are your preference in regards to what you’re attracted to, or are you just fetishizing black men?  And, if you’re in a relationship with a black man, do you fully know about and accept what the reality and the experience of living in America that is attached to his blackness?

❤If you’re a black man who is not attracted to black women, is it because you feel black women are less feminine, more combative, overbearing, less emotionally stable, and less submissive than non-black women?  If so, what are you basing that assessment of black women on?  Do you have any evidence to support that they are exhibiting these qualities more than women who belong to other ethnic groups?

❤If you are black and are in a relationship with a non-black person, do you feel like your partner genuinely wants to understand what systematic white supremacy is and how it affects you and those who look like you, and like they would join you in your efforts to combat it?  If they aren’t, can you truly say that they genuinely love you?

❤If you’re friends with mostly white people, on a regular basis, do you challenge them to study books and media that gives an honest depiction of the affliction, damage, and the oppressive nature institutionalized racism has unleashed on American Natives of African Descent specifically for hundreds of years in America?  Are you even familiar with what factually-based information to point them to?  How educated are you on the topic, yourself?  And, if your white friends aren’t committed to understanding and combating systematic racism, could you still remain friends with them? 

❤If you’re a black person seeking to be in a relationship with another black person, are you willing to accept that person as they are, recognizing they are victims of systematic white supremacy?  And, due to the psychological, economic, and physical damage system has done to black men and women, are you willing to accept that there will be a certain amount of brokenness that comes attached to that person’s blackness?  Do you recognize your own brokenness?  Have you accepted it, and have you come to terms with it?

❤Are black men more misogynistic than white men?  Who controls the media with which they received their misogynistic message from?

❤If you’re a woman who avoids dating black men, whether it be consciously or unconsciously, what kind of messages about the character of black men have you received that have put you off on entertaining a romantic situation with them?  Also, where did you receive those messages from?  Do you base your assessment of black men collectively off of a few experiences you’ve had with them, and, if so, would say that is that fair?  Are black men even present in the spaces you typically dwell in while carrying out your day?

❤When it comes to much of the dysfunction taking place in the black community, do you blame black people for that dysfunction, or do you blame systematic white supremacy for creating the kind of climate that promotes and fuels that very dysfunction?


🖤I wanted to start off explaining the goal of this site by asking these questions because, honestly, I believe these are the kind people are afraid to ask when we’re talking about the different challenges modern-day relationships face.  You, more than likely, haven’t heard those honest and tough questions in much of the “relationship goals” rhetoric you see being passed around popular media these days.

🖤There is a slew of relationship gurus, dating coaches, and pick-up artists out here who have plenty to say about how to attract and how to hold on to Mr. and Mrs. Right or how to bang a bunch of women.  And, while some–very few–of those individuals have good intentions, a lot of them are also providing advice out of the spirit of just wanting a bunch of YouTube hits (telling people what they want to hear for attention), of bitterness they’ve gained through their own past-failed relationships, and of ignorance in not having a sufficient understanding of how women and men see the world differently. 

🖤For the longest, I would give relationship advice to my family and peers, founded in the knowledge base I’d built up for years formed out of the relationship patterns I’ve studied, my own past relationship successes and failures, and literature I’d examined centered around the topic.  So, I figured I mine as well create a create my blog and write books about what I knew, so could share insight about specific relationship challenges I felt a lot of relationship “gurus” weren’t speaking on–ones who either didn’t know enough about to speak or who were avoiding doing so for the sake of pacifying a certain audience.  

🖤In my second published book, A Pale Face for a Collar: Testimonials of an Office Rat,” there is a chapter I entitled “When It Comes to the Men and the Women…” where I broke down how men and women see the world through completely different lenses and about why seeing things differently is a good thing.  Just as importantly, I touched on what many who give relationship advice don’t adequately go in-depth about or just choose not to speak about at all.  Though I covered a lot in that chapter, I felt I still had so much to say on the topic.  So, in part, that chapter inspired this blog.

🖤We definitely need to discuss the different issues relationships face in the spirit of men and women genuinely wanting to gain a deeper understanding of each other’s divine uniqueness.  But, while living in this society, we can’t talk about relationships without talking about how systematic racism has negatively affected the sanctity of then as a whole.

🖤Although my site, TheStormyPoet.com, covers a variety of topics, I felt that the act of closely examining the dynamic that systematic white supremacy and cultural misogyny play in our relationships (romantic, family, friend, business) and that breaking down what that means in terms of how we intimately interact with each other was going to require a page of its own, in order to properly and effectively distribute the amount of related content.

🖤I created this website to inform the masses out of love…about how to successfully love, even if that means informing the audience out of tough love (telling you what you don’t want to hear if I believe it is for your own good). 

🖤This page wasn’t created to bash men (especially black men who have to see heterosexuality demonized relentlessly). 

🖤This page wasn’t created to put the males nor the females on any kind of pedestal or to kiss any group’s ass just so I can get a bunch of website and YouTube hits.

🖤It didn’t create it to give people advice they’ll just use to reinforce their misguidingly, self-righteous opinions.  This page was not created for the sake of emotional exchanges.  We’re here to talk like adults.  

🖤Unlike many of the people who give relationship advice, I didn’t want to do so coming from a holier-than-thou disposition, because Heaven knows I’ve had my own relationship failures and downfalls.  Most of us have, and I want to show the people what I’ve learned from those mistakes and poor choices and that they can learn from their own, so that they don’t repeat them. 

🖤I don’t want to give the people guidance in their relationships while pretending that racism is something we don’t have to factor in and contend with, whether we want to accept that or not.

🖤This isn’t a page for people to argue, bicker, or tear each other down.  This is a place for men and women to learn how to recognize their own brokenness, how to remedy it, and how we both, as divine beings, can build with one another.

🖤This is a space where, when we talk about the challenges relationships face, we have discussions based on data, context, personal accounts we’ve learned, and a genuine desire to understand each other better.  We don’t deal in emotional back and forths on here.

🖤In this space, we’re here to understand love…true love–every level of it.

🖤What level of love do you want to experience?

🖤My name is The Stormy Poet, and I look forward to exploring The Levels of Love with each and all of you. 



💔​​Cultural Racism Is Keeping People Single💔

I recently composed a meme where I expressed the importance of incorporating the effects systematic racism has had on American society when we're having discussions about what a healthy romantic relationship should look like.

In other words, you can't talk about "love" without factoring in how "race" affects the way we judge the reality and characteristics of others and the degree to which we connect with another human beings.  Racism is ever-present and works in every area of human activity: economics, education, entertainment, labor, law, politics, religion, relationships, and war.  Your love life doesn't operate outside the sphere-of-influence our racist society emits.  

That being said, let's talk about the type of negativity--systematically enforced negativity--that comes attached to "blackness." Aside from the negativity (failure) like mass incarceration, the racial wealth gapblack unemployment, and police brutality, there are also the subtle and sometimes overt messages propagated through entertainment and the media intended to demonize "blackness."  Also, aside from a handful of selected black people--whom are normally relegated to the "first black person to do such-and-such" category--the elite historical and present-day achievements and contributions made to American society made by African American Descendants of Slaves is, for the most part, left out of the curriculum in every level of academia

This type of social conditioning, in regards to how different ethnic groups are supposed to be seen and treated, begins, whether we're aware of that grooming or not, affects all of us on a subconscious level.

If you, as someone who is classified as white, have been consistently told all of your life that black men are the most violent ethnic group, intellectually inferior,  caricature stereotypes instead of full human beings, and inherently have no interest in raising their children, you will have unfair biases and assumptions about all black men without taking the time to interact with them on a personal level.  If you're a black man, it's very possible you will begin to even internalize those same negative messages about yourself (self-hate and hatred for those who look like you).

If you've consistently been told black women always have an attitude problem, have some unquenchable appetite for sex, are lazy, are less submissive than other ethnicities, are too masculine, and super argumentative, a conditioning occurs where society as a whole begins to assume those characteristics to be factual about all black women.  It then, unfairly, becomes the black women's responsibility to prove those who she interacts with in society that she doesn't fit those stereotypes. She may even feel pressured to go above and beyond to prove she is not the embodiment of socially engineered preconceived notions.

As a matter of fact, due to the historical segregation enforced by the American Government, a white person can go much of their life without having to interpersonally socialize with those classified as non-white nearly as much as they interact with other white people.  A study back in 2014 published by the Public Religion Research Institute showed that three-quarters of white don't have any non-white friends.  When you factor in the racial wealth gap--black people collectively not even being able to afford to be the same spaces as white people (high-end restaurants, country clubs, 5-Star hotels, upper-class neighborhoods) white people aren't even in the same spaces to interact with non-whites.  

When a group doesn't get to interact with another group on regular basis, they will believe whatever stereotypes they're fed on TV about that group rather than actually observing their behaviors in the spaces where they operate their day-to-day lives.   

When those same types of negative stereotypes don't get attached to "whiteness," the notion that white people (by default of their whiteness) are more civilized, more innovative, more sophisticated, more peaceful, more hard-working, more intellectual, and more sexually desirable (the pinnacle of attractiveness) than those classified as non-white becomes the standard for the way white people should be perceived.

Unfortunately, these detrimental cultural phenomena, which are byproducts of systematic racism, have negatively impacted everyone's chances of having a loving and healthy life-long relationship, tremendously.

Tragically, some women will avoid pursuing a relationship with black men because of the aforementioned stereotypes.  

There are some black people who will only entertain having a romantic relationship with a white person as a way to subconsciously get approval from white people (out of the conditioned belief that "whiteness" has the inherent right to validate the worth of those who are non-white).  They believe they're the "special negro" because a white person has accepted them into their circle or because they are having sex with them (Plantation owners used their slaves for sex all the time and still practiced white supremacy).  

There are some white people will be friends with, date, or have sex with black people and will proclaim there is no way the could have, in any way, been complicit in practicing racism.

Some white people will get in a relationship with a black person and will see that as some type of progress in the name of equality or as "doing enough to combat white supremacy."  

Rather than a white person choosing to date someone not classified as white genuinely because they're attracted to specific qualities of that person as a unique individual, due to dehumanizing nature of cultural racism, black people often are the subject of objectification in many intimate situations.  What I mean by that is, instead of wholeheartedly wanting to be in a deep and meaningful relationship, that white person might just have some type of sexual racial fetish for black people.  That is a form of objectification because that person only sees them as a device for sex and not as a full human being.

The same goes for the person who dates black people out of some innermost desire to rebel against their family or their culture because they don't allow interracial relationships.  That, in and of itself, is a form of objectification based on racism

Whether a person is conscious or unconscious in their objectification, they're still complicit in practicing cultural racism.   

Black men and women have burdened one another with unrealistic expectations in regards to financial, emotional, mental, and stability.  

The data clearly shows that, due to the fact that African American slaves and their descendants were barred from participating economically all throughout our country's history, wealth was not allowed to accumulate through our lineage.  Despite the propped up figures of "black wealth" and "power" that are constantly put on display for black folks to eat up (Jay-Z, Beyonce, Jordan, LeBron, Oprah), a great deal of black men and women don't understand that white-owned corporations, such as Wal-Mart, can provide cheaper products and services and a wider variety of them than black-owned businesses can. 

Plus, they have REAL WEALTH (Jeff Bezos type of wealth), the kind that wields dominant political influence and that can pay government to protect their bottom line.  So, having this idea we're going to become like an Oprah or a Jay-Z through buying black or starting a black business is a kind of toxic ambition, a phrase coined by Antonio Moore.  

Along with the lack of wealth and the security it provides, there is a great deal of stress and psychological trauma that comes with being black in America.  Having to worry about getting the police called on us just for basically existing in public spaces, having to deal with workplace discrimination, constantly seeing images of mutilated bodies of the victims of racially motivated violence of people who look like us, and having laws and policies passed which make life for us harder than it already is--life as a black person in America is downright maddening.

I've often said, I believe every black person in America needs some type of counseling because of the constant trauma we've been subjected to living under this system.

Black men and women--and anyone who wants to date a black person--must understand the mental and emotional state the majority of us are in.  Black men and women can't hold expectations of "whiteness" towards one another.  The fact of the matter is that the overall lives of African Americans have been made very unstable by white supremacy.  

Much of the in-fighting between black men and women arises from a profound lack of understanding about the systemic factors that have unjustly led to the societal failures AADOS are forced to contend with.  Black men and women can't have a successful relationship without a clear understanding of how they're victims of an unjust system and what kind of longterm work it will take to dismantle that system.

We devote our time to reading articles and magazines bearing scandalous headlines like "10 Signs He's Cheating" or cutesy, bae-esque ones like "Why We All Should Have Jay-Z and Beyonce #RelationsipGoals." But, until we start getting honest with ourselves and with each other about how greatly cultural racism is keeping us from experiencing a deep, genuine, long-lasting, healing, and intimate relationships, many of us, especially black people, who could've potentially found love by now, will continue to, unfortunately, remain single. 


Published Works: (https://goo.gl/y6zy45)
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