dating tips

Things Just As Bad As Cheating in a Relationship

1. You Haven’t Learned to Love Yourself Yet
I wrote a blog a few days ago entitled You Won’t Find True Love ‘Til You Love Yourself, which speaks on number 1 in depth.
The message I wanted to hit home through that entry was that love originates from within (self-generated) and radiates outward.  Much of the time, we expect that only an outside source can show us love, rather than it being extended from us, to ourselves.  Not only is that way of thinking detrimental to your self-esteem, but not having a genuine and healthy self-love inhibits you from having a robust connection with your significant other, whether that love interest is still in the future or in the present, in a way that nourishes a strong, long-lasting, and fruitful romantic relationship.
In a nutshell, you can’t show the love to someone else that you don’t have for yourself.
If you don’t care enough about yourself to eat healthily, to make the time to get more physically active, to improve yourself emotionally and spiritually, to make wise financial choices, can you really say that you love yourself?
2. You Still Love To Flirt
Whatever your moral stance on promiscuity or having multiple romantic interests is, that is your own business. But, there are few crueler things than needlessly mimicking a genuine romantic interest in someone, when a fling is all that’s truly desired.
Let the lovers be with the lovers, folks.  For the most part, the majority of people have to go through their hoochie/playa stage before they’re ready to settle down.  If you want a fling, there are plenty of people out there down for your cause.   Be honest with yourself and with others about your intentions.
And, it’s best to get those party days out of your system, now, than trying to satisfy unfulfilled urges and fantasies after you’ve made you’ve made a serious commitment.
3. You’re Not Ready Financially
No one is saying that you have to have your car completely paid off or that you have to have picture perfect credit to be in a relationship. One should ask themselves this, though: “If I can’t hold down a steady job, effectively save money, or consistently pay my bills on time, why would I want the added responsibility of maintaining a relationship with someone?”
People can say what they want.  Relationships require a special degree of money, time, energy, and attention, especially when they’re first starting off in order for the seeds of connection to sprout and thrive.
If your girlfriend lives across town and you don’t even have a decent car to go visit her on a consistent basis–and, I ‘m speaking from personal experience here, maybe you should make the mature choice to put off dating for a while and to focus your time and energy into your finances.
After all, if you plan on starting a family one day and taking on the responsibilities of handling the finances of a household, it’s best to learn and practice how to do that when you’re single, not when you’re already in the game of love.
4. You’re Still Have Strong Feelings for Your EX
Me personally, I really couldn’t care less about someone’s Ex and what they did with my current partner in the past.  I’m sure that most wouldn’t care.
If you still feel yourself frequently pondering over the good times you and your Ex used to have together, you still keep up contact with them like you used to when y’all were together, if the memory of your Ex still makes you tear up randomly (for whatever sentimental or hurtful reason), or if you’re only dating others to distract yourself from your Ex, you’re not in the best state-of-mind to begin a committed relationship.
If you haven’t utilized the necessary methods of grieving a lost relationship and moving past your Ex, then the making love life decisions while such a state-of-mind will only lead to you making poor relationship choices. Not only that, but you are expending emotional energy on someone you aren’t with anymore–emotional energy that should be extended to the person you’re with currently.
Stay single if you aren’t emotionally ready, and focus on learning to let the past go before you start a romantic situation with anyone.
5. You’re Prideful/Arrogant
Pride/Arrogance is a true relationship killer.  It closes the door for forgiveness, open-mindedness, compassion, willingness to work on faults, acceptance,  and teamwork.
If you’re the type of person that constantly likes to one-up other, who likes to use your material possessions and financial achievements to compensate for a lack of moral character, or who expects your partner to service you in a way you aren’t willing to do for them, then please DO NOT touch the idea of a committed relationship with a ten-foot pole.
6. You’ve Got a Short Temper
The fact of the matter is, no matter how in love you are with someone, they’re eventually going to do things that irritate and even offend you.  And, each one of us will irritate and offend our lovers at some point in our lives.  And, this fact is inevitable, yes, but the more important thing is how maturely and responsibly as a man or a woman handles those situations when they arise.
If you are someone who isn’t genuinely interested in being sensitive to the things that get under your partner’s skin or if you’re someone who isn’t emotionally mature enough to calmly and clearly let your partner know what pushes your buttons, a committed relationship just isn’t for you.
A great deal on whether a relationship is successful or not is based on how well two parties can study each other’s preferences, likes, dislikes, desires, habits, etc. and how clearly each party can articulate those attributes and how well those parties can make an effort to cater and accommodate their partner in that regard.
If you know that socks on the floor bug the crap out of your partner, don’t tell them their irritation is irrational.  No. PICK UP THE DARN SOCKS, AND MAKE THE EXTRA EFFORT TO MAKE SURE NOT ANOTHER SOCK HITS THE FLOOR IN THEIR PRESENCE.

In conclusion, WHAT’S THE RUSH?  There’ll be plenty of time in life to meet your “one true love”. 
In the meantime, make sure you’re right with yourself before giving yourself to someone else.  It’s better to learn certain life lessons while you’re on your own, rather than trying to learn them while already with someone.
With Love,

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One Love,
The Stormy Poet