Before the advent of the internet or even something as sophisticated as the smartphone, it used to be a lot more difficult than it is today to actually see someone naked who wasn't your spouse, especially if you were an adolescent or a teenager. And even if you were able to steal some dirty tape or magazine your old man had hidden, to sneak your way into some X-rated theater, or to pay someone for sex outright, you knew back then there was a label of degeneracy and perversion applied by society to those who engaged in that kind of behavior.
Bottom line, whether someone wants to argue whether it was the lack of accessibility of adult material like we have today VS the overall moral consciousness at the time, seeing someone nude–especially them engaging in intercourse–was damn hard and had to be earned, more often than not.
If you hoped to have the chance of even getting to know a woman personally, you had to approach her in public (not via social media), and you had to actually know how to conduct a conversation–and that took much practice and rejection to the get hang of. The fact is, you would have to know how to intrigue a woman with your conversation, have your physique and dress together, and have an appealing personality to back those qualities up.
This is some of the kind of work it took in order to even have the chance to get to know a lady, to get into a committed relationship with her or for her to be attractive to you, and, ultimately, to be intimate with her (aka see her naked).
That said, we now live in an age where a man can reach into his pocket and pull up every kind of kink, flavor, orientation, and body type to a name for his viewing pleasure. And yes, I know women often watch the p-word, too, but men are the primary consumers. The reason for this, quite simply put, is that it's much easier for women to get sex than it is for men, so, naturally, more men watch it. So, I'm focusing more on the men, for the topic at hand.
In terms of committed relationships, this topic needs to be dealt with straight up the middle by both men and women. In essence, a man is, indeed, supposed to have to put in a tremendous amount of competence, effort, and sacrifice to ever have sexual access to a woman. He is supposed to climb the mountains, wade through the mud, and sail through the storms of life to earn that privilege.
It has been the appeal of women, mind, body, and soul, and of gaining them as a life partner that has motivated, pushed, and spurred men to exert themselves harder and farther than they ever could on their own. And I'll just go ahead and say it. I myself can vouch I've never met a man or even a family member in the history of my life that has inspired me to work harder that the woman I was committed to. That is just a fact, and I'm sure most men will tell you the same.
Some of the greatest innovations and advances the world benefits today from were forged out of the overwhelming vigor and inspiration a woman gave his man, just by being in his presence. Just the prospect of getting to see someone we genuinely care about "in all their glory" brings the greatest out of us as men, the same way certain aspects of men bring the best out of women.
P**n degrades this special dynamic between men and women, in that, rather than a man having to work and sacrifice to see "certain imagery" in real life, a man can settle for what he sees on a screen. Sure, it's not the real thing, but to the underachieving, unmotivated, lazy male, the screen is enough for them. Men are supposed to–that's right I said, "supposed to"–demonstrate some type of excellence and resourcefulness to qualify for sex.
For, a cold bed and a lack of womanly affection are what motivates those aforementioned lackluster males to get off their asses and to get in the game called "pulling their weight and contributing to society." Heck, I know it got me off my butt back in my younger 20s.
P**n–and its abundance of accessibility–provides the illusion of genuine womanly attention and intimacy. Therefore, men who could've potentially gone on to have achieved much more in life won't ever be motivated to do so, which, subsequently, means they'll never go on to be decent husbands to wives or fathers to children.
But even in the case of those already in committed relationships, p**n can still have detrimental effects. I've known couples who actually say they watch and experience it together for the purpose of coming up with new ideas and whatnot. And, I still point out to them the underlying issue of engaging in that activity.
At the end of the day, we're still human beings, and neither you nor I know a human who hasn't been subject to temptation. I point out to them, their partner should be enough to satisfy them without having to rely on the imagery of others engaging in intercourse. Rather than coming up with new ideas with each other, they've outsourced that time and effort of learning what it takes to get their partner going.
The more fantasies and sexual ideas you're exposed to, even as a couple, the freakier and freakier the activities will have to be in order to get aroused or to satisfy you. And then, where does it stop? Eventually, the person you're with will no longer be enough. It never fails.
Now, allow me to further clarify who I'm directing this toward. I'm not addressing those who are in booty call or friends-with-benefits situations. But, to those looking for or in a long-term, monogamous relationship, this is something to consider when it comes to both you and your partner.
P**n always ends up making you unsatisfied with the woman you have. As the old say goes, "You can't miss what you never had." And, as J. Cole said in the song "Love Yourz," "There's always going to to be a better girl out there on the tours, but you ain't gonna never be happy until you love yours."
While I do tell some men and women they are or were way too young to get married, that they need to get certain experiences out of their systems before they even consider the prospect of marriage with anyone and while I'll even advise that some young couples consider separation, I rarely encourage any couple to get back out there and test the waters simply because they think there might be something better.
P**n feeds us the dangerous allure that there's something better out there than what we have in front of us–that we should seek out the next thrill or high rather than appreciating the individual we have, wholistically.
P**n feeds the ego, and the ego's everlasting drumbeat and chants are, "There's always something greener on the other side" and "Why stop here when you can do better?" However, there comes a point where every man must cast aside the ego and become more practical when it comes to the woman he chooses to be with.
As a dude, you might want to try out a threesome you saw on P-Tube; but if you've found a woman who can cook from an actual cookbook she wrote herself, who can become invested in your vision and aid you, who seeks to make your life easier, and who will nurture your children properly, how foolish and idiotic is to risk to pursue some fantasy you saw on some gutter website?
P**n teaches you to strive to fulfill fantasies rather than to strive to become the kind of man a woman would find as husband material, and that's by design. Just think of how many industries, like the divorce courts, gaming, Only Fans, P-Hub, Petco (because of the single cat/dog guys), etc. make. They profit very well in keeping men undesirable. These industries do the same to women, but that's another piece for another day.
Now I'm not presenting this piece from some kind of moral high ground. The fact is, the majority of us, including myself, have been exposed to adult material. But, the main reason why I wanted to start The Levels of Love platform is because I feel there's been a fundamental breakdown in the integrity of male/female relationships. Cohesive, sturdy, genuine, and loving relationships are the bedrock for successful families, and successful families are the necessary building block for successful communities, and, in turn, societies.
Therefore, I want to make The People aware and bring light to ALL of the threats, both potential and imminent, to the very value and purpose of man/woman communion. And, rather than just wagging my finger at everyone or going on some moral screed, I wanted to actually make a case for why it's not harmless and for the detrimental effects it's had on people's ability to forge meaningful and healthy relationships.
P**n isn't harmless, and science backs that up. Even if you're watching together as a couple, certain images are powerful and can have a deep impact on you psychologically and emotionally. It opens up the door to fantasizing about people other than your partner–to fantasize about what else is out there.
And, one of the most foolish and dangerous things someone can ask themselves in a relationship is, "Is there something out there better than what I have?"
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The Levels of Love (Relationship & Dating Adviser, Romance Literary Artist & Podcaster) 