There’s no shortage of pills, testosterone therapy methods, lubricants, creams, and performance techniques out there being touted as the one-size-fits-all fix for resolving a less-than-thrilling sex life. I’m sure most of you have seen them. They’re all presented as the magic solution needed to make the sex last longer, to make the organisms more intense, and to obviate the infamous ED from rearing its ugly head (no pun intended).
I’ve had many couples hit me up over the years asking things like, “Is it natural for the heat to go out of the bedroom after 2 people are together a certain amount of years?” or, “How is a couple supposed to keep things fresh and steamy when they see each other almost every single day?”
While I can’t say any of those aforementioned approaches toward keeping the sexual chemistry between you and your partner can’t be helpful, at the end of the day, they’re nothing more than bandaids. Like with anything in a committed relationship, keeping the passion and physical attraction strong takes both parties being willing to work together and to approach the necessary work from the standpoint of it being all about the greater good of the relationship.
Unfortunately though, the basis from which most males and females approach me, when they present me with that type of inquisition, is from the self-righteous place of “What should I tell my partner to do to fix about themselves so that they can make our sex lives better?” rather than them being willing to make the necessary sacrifice to accomplish the goal together.
And, one of the solutions I prescribe to address bedroom lulls that couples typically aren’t too fond of, more than the others I do, is the fact that perhaps one or both parties need to change their diet.
Why do they resist that solution so adamantly, you might ask? I would have to say, firstly, because it requires–and this is important–steadfast and long-term commitment to achieve a goal as one relationship unit.
It’s not a magic pill they can take.
It’s not some passage or soundbite from some relationship guru they can use to bully their partner into altering their behavior.
And, it’s something both parties have to be equally and fully dedicated to in order for it to work properly. Such a task requires a lifestyle change, not just some trendy diet you can try out for 6 months and then quit once it goes out of style.
After all, when it comes to the kind of quality of sex a couple is supposed to experience, both the man and woman play key roles in determining the outcome.
The other reason I believe they’re so combative to the idea of something like a diet change being a powerful and highly effective method at remedying “fire getting dim in the bedroom” is this: They believe a solution like that is just way too simple to be true and that there just has to be more to it than just changing up with the way they eat as individuals.
We live in an era where there’s an endless stream of, so-called, relationship gurus and dating experts profusely spewing “advice” about the ins and outs of man/woman interpersonal dynamics. And, yet, either because they intentionally keep their audience miseducated so that particular audience will have no choice but to keep tuning into their platform over and over or because those personalities haven’t invested enough time, themselves, into properly researching factually-based information in order to steer men and women in the proper direction, they are, in a large part, responsible for a lot of the convolution men and women experience when dealing with one another.
When it comes to certain relationship issues, not all of them require something as significant as couples therapy or the use of some type of drug to increase libido. Sometimes the solutions to those problems are not very complicated to carry out and only require maturity, logic, and humility, despite what the grossly, complex panacea many of these “relationship personalities” attempt to push to their audience.
Therefore, people expect me to rattle off some Dr. Phil-esque pontification on how they should fix their sex life, but, in most cases, the fix is very simple. Folks, I don’t deal in shock value nor do I deal in taking sides of the women nor the men. I deal in disseminating the type of information that helps men and women better understand one another, for the purposes discovering of how we can seek to complement one another.
Altering your diet not only improves your sex life but also contributes to your overall well-being. There are inexpensive foods you can find at your average grocery store that are not only exceptionally beneficial to your sex organs but that are also vitally important to the function of the intricate mechanisms necessary to power your body’s sex drive. And, I, myself, can testify to the benefits–or lack thereof from not doing so–from using what we eat and drink to improve the performance and the experience of what we receive from our partner.
For instance, I remember a time in my life when I started eating a lot of canned, microwavable, and fast food and when I strayed away from the healthy eating regimen I’d adopted when I found out I was gluten-intolerant. I guess if you can say one good thing about being GI is that the condition forces you to explore other foods options outside of wheat, barley, and rye (which are literally in just about anything processed), and, so, you end up trying to different food items you wouldn’t normally consider.
The condition forces you to know more about everything you’re putting into your body.
In turn, I’d come to love and adore the new fruits, vegetables, and spices I discovered on my gluten-free journey. However, when I started writing my second book, my eating habits got sloppy. I was putting so much time and effort into the book that I not only stopped eating home-cooked meals made from fresh ingredients. There were times I just didn’t feel like eating at all.
Granted, my focus and commitment towards composing a high-quality piece of literary art were admirable. That said though, the effects of all those bowls of instant phở, those quick lunches consisting only of a bag of Cooler Ranch Doritos, and those focus sessions powered by copious amounts of hazelnut coffee and Reese’s Cups started showing up in the bedroom.
Thankfully, I’ve never really suffered from any issues in the *clears voice* nether regions that have completely inhibited me from performing. But, I did notice that fiery, zealous, and ravenous desire and hunger I once had to sporadically interrupt my lover from whatever she was doing to pull her close to me by her waist so I could plant a sultry one on her, began to wane as the years went by.
That spontaneity and those exhilarating occurrences of primal yearning to randomly “throw down” at any given moment were becoming more and more infrequent between us.
Like most people in long-term relationships who experience this “dimming of the fire” in their sex life, I just attributed it to the natural order of how relationships flow. After a while, 2 people just get used to one another. The situation just isn’t fresh and new anymore after a few years, and all that hot steaminess naturally tempers.
I thought that way, that is, until I had some bloodwork done during one of my annual check-ups. One of the things my doctor mentioned was that my cholesterol LDL cholesterol number was getting on the high side, and I didn’t find that news too terribly surprising. At the time when I was knee-deep into the composition process of my 2nd book, I’d stopped going to the gym, and I was eating just to feel full more than I was for actual nutrients. What she said that really caught my attention, though, is when she explained the correlation between elevated cholesterol levels and lowered sex drive for both men and women.
I’m not saying this is a bad thing, but what happens with most couples is that, after being with one another for an extended period of time, they become comfortable around one another. They stop focusing so much on being visually appealing to their partner and then begin focusing more on taking care of the general responsibilities a relationship requires. There’s definitely nothing wrong with that, and that is the mature way to go about things. You should, indeed, focus on the deeper and more meaningful aspects of a relationship other than just physical attraction.
However, many people become so absorbed into handling the day-to-day rigors of maintaining a healthy relationship and of life in general, they begin neglecting their own necessary self-maintenance, in terms of mind, body, and soul. And, there are definitely times when we have to sacrifice in order to complete certain goals and tasks. That’s a part of life that cannot be avoided.
Still, when it comes to relationships and other life situations, it’s all about focusing on what you can do instead of what you cannot. Rather than microwaving instant phở (I love phở so very much btw) every other day for lunch, I could have just bought my own chicken broth, a bag of frozen vegetables, and a bag of instant noodles (GF of course) and made my own soup.
Rather than using a standard dressing on the pre-made salads I bought, I could’ve simply used a little lemon juice, olive oil, and salt instead on my salad instead.
After my doctor gave me the somber diagnosis of my bloodwork, I took it upon myself to research all I could on ways I could lower my cholesterol. Now of course, my main mission in doing so was for self-preservation. I want to be on this Earth for as long as possible to carry out what The Maker wants me to accomplish and to be present in the lives of those I care about and who care about me.
But, part of my intention was for the desire to be at my very best for my partner in every area of the relationship, including the area of sexual activity.
That said, a few of the research-inspired practices I began implementing were based on me just wanting to be a healthier person for the most part. But…I had no idea how just how beneficial they’d be to my sex life.
There is a great deal of science speaking on the health benefits of eating garlic on a regular in regards to combating high cholesterol, and garlic was something I was eating almost on a daily basis until I started writing my second book. So, I wanted to incorporate that back into my diet, but, until I could start eating garlic on a consistent basis like I wanted, I decided to take a garlic supplement instead. I took that along with a ginseng supplement (both organic) because I heard it also helped greatly in that regard.
After taking the recommended doses of each for about 2 weeks…family…let me tell you something. There were no longer fireworks in the bedroom; there were seismic eruptions shock waves taking place between those sheets my lover and I shared. Real ass talk. I was completely stunned at not only how effective just those 2 supplements were at increasing my libido (I wasn’t even ingesting the pure version of them) but also how quickly they began to work. It only took a few weeks, alongside making other diet changes of course.
Now, I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that the garlic supplement gassed me the hell up. However, there’re cheap digestive enzymes, like Beano, you can take alongside them to prevent that (I normally take both the supplements and digestive enzymes at dinner). That being the case though, the benefits far outweigh the negatives, which can be easily resolved.
All I can say for myself is that those spontaneous and in-the-heat-of-moment encounters my mate and I had before I undertook the toll of composing my second book returned with a vengeance.
What began to temper between us before had nothing to do with “the flame naturally going out” and more to do with my partner and I needing to put in the right kind of work, individually, for the sake of keeping the passion between us alive, as a unit.
It was at that point in my life I decided to commit myself to preaching the gospel of how what you put into your body affects the intimacy between you and your lover. There is no way around that. If you want your relationship to be strong and healthy, you’re going to have to practice a healthy lifestyle, which includes being discriminatory about what you put into your body on a daily basis.
Cheating is not just defined as someone sleeping with someone else outside of a relationship. It’s also defined as not striving to give your partner the best version of you. If you’re not willing to work on your diet and if you say to yourself, “They should just accept me as I am no matter how much I disregard my health,” that equates to infidelity.
After I had that revelation, eating healthy was no longer difficult for me. I understand maintaining a healthy diet is much bigger than what it means to me as myself. After all, if I don’t take care of my overall health now, the potential ailments and costly health issues I will have to deal with later will be a burden my future wife and kids will have to absorb.
A lot of people think eating healthy means having to eat awful-tasting food or having to engage in time-consuming meal preps, and that’s just simply not true. And even if it was more difficult than the way you’re already doing things, which it is not, isn’t your partner worth that struggle and effort?
You don’t always need couples therapy, and you especially don’t need to follow some relationship guru on YouTube to improve the chemistry in a relationship. The vast majority of the time, it’s just a matter of you and your partner getting off your ass and doing some actual grocery shopping on a consistent basis.
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