Chivalry Isn’t Dead

Why Most Men Have No Idea How To Approach Women

I wanted to write about this topic not just because I want to help the fellas out there get the gal they genuinely want, but I also wanted do my part in providing the kind of information I feel could help cut down on the high volume of disrespectful and pervish interactions women have to experience, every day in some cases, when it comes to men who attempt to flirt with them.
Firstly, what I want the fellas who are reading to understand is, we as men were supposed to have been taught how to effectively approach a woman whom we have romantic interests in and how to consistently treat a woman with respect when we become involved with her more intimately, but, in a way, most of us guys were cheated out of the privilege of having that information taught to us.  That being said, it’s still our responsibility to correct that ignorance.
And, whose responsibility was it educate us in that manner? Well, what is the first and most influential example we as men witness as to how a man treats a woman?  It’s the example displayed to us by our fathers.  Just think about it.  The first intimate and long-term interactions between a man and a woman that we have an up-close-and-personal vantage point of is the one between our fathers and our mothers.  And, not only was it and still is our father’s job to demonstrate to us how to treat a woman, by leading a life-long example, it was and is the job of the fathers to articulate what having genuine respect for a woman entails.
Why did most of our dads most likely not share this invaluable information with us?  To answer that question, we then have to understand we live in a society where the types of healthy and constructive behaviors a healthy relationship needs to survive are not widely promoted nor encouraged.  In fact, we see just the opposite occurring.
Dysfunctional and unhealthy relationships and the types of behavior that contribute to them by-and-large are widely displayed in the form of entertainment.  Shows like The Bachelor and Real Side Chicks of Charlotte are case-and-point–shows that promote narcissism, materialism, emotional illiteracy, irresponsible sexual practices, aggressiveness, infidelity, gossip, and jealousy.
These types of entertainment continuously reinforce the stereotypes that women are irrational and moody creatures who can’t reason use logic and that they are unable to manage their emotions as well as men can.  Being that a great deal of the entertainment we ingest contains subtlety or overtly misogynistic messages, over time, we begin to accept those generalized preconceptions about women, and women begin internalizing and believing these notions about themselves.
So, rather than a culture being cultivated of men striving to understand women’s unique perspectives and of men learning to discover and appreciate the unique and divine capabilities women possess–ones that the survival of men are dependent on as a sex and that men should compliment with their unique capabilities–collectively, men are taught to view and assess the entire being of a woman in an oversimplified and generalized manner.
So, if you’re my age (32), Real Housewives of Atlanta wasn’t on the air influencing my your dad to think more misogynistically, but, although those misogynistic messages were generally more subtle in the entertainment back then, depending on how you look at it, those messages were still very real and consistently fed to their subconscious.
To put everything in context, most dads don’t know nor understand enough about the nature of women to tell their sons how to respectfully approach a lady to begin with, because they were never encouraged to learn more about the intricately wonderful complexities of womanhood.
Also, being that all men have been subjected to some type of social grooming, intended for them to practice certain behavior that the plays into the model of the American Dream, the objective of most men is not to become more emotionally literate nor is it to become more in-tune with how and why women perceive things the way that they do. The overall objective is to not “feel” or “think” but rather, work harder and get more money.
From a very young age, men are taught that showing any emotions other than anger or pride is a “girly” or “sissy” way to feel and that it’s unnatural for a man to feel anything else and that the act of baring about your feelings means you’re a pussy.
So, the questions then become, how can a father teach his son to become more emotionally literate, when he, himself, has been trained all his life to focus primarily on promoting capitalism, and how can that son grow up and truly know what qualities to search for in a woman and how to effectively do so if he doesn’t have a clear understanding of his own self-identity and is not processing his emotions properly?
When you tie all of this in, basically, what we have is a generation of emotionally ignorant men who view the entire being and value of women in a very two-dimensional way.  And, therefore, they approach women whom they have romantic interests in with these detrimental mindsets.
Men approach women with little to no knowledge of just how many times they’ve potentially been cat-called, harassed, or objectified, in any given day, before the man has even thought of approaching them. They don’t even see the need to practice a certain level of sensitivity in regards to this possibility.
They don’t even consider that, due to the way our society functions, which I’ve broken down for you in this piece, their approach might be the same as what hundreds of guys have probably said or done to entice a woman; they don’t see the need to stand out and to be unique–to attract a woman with their uniqueness as an individual.  Because, many men have been taught to not explore who they really are and what they really want–just to work harder and to compete.
So, to the ladies reading this, this is the generation of men you are having to contend with and why you, more than likely, have had so many pervish experiences with guys trying to hit on you over the years.  Hopefully, I’ve shed some light on why you’re having to deal with what you’re dealing with and some information that you can use to start challenging the men who approach you disrespectfully.
Also, to the guys reading this, I challenge you to consider the insight I’ve presented before approaching a woman you have interests in and to join in the efforts of building a culture in our society that is supportive and empowering to women.  Women are our comrades, and we must realize we cannot reach our true potential as a sex without them–that they compliment our divine uniqueness–and that it is our obligation as men to protect the sanctity of their womanhood, in every area, and to compliment their unique qualities with our being.
With Warm Regards,

Photo by Tom Pumford on Unsplash

 

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