So, I have a theory as to why I think there’s such a great deal of nonsense and drama between men and women in this day-and-age, when it comes to relationships–that, and why I feel, like how many do, the love epidemics of unfaithfulness, domestic abuse, and the breakdown of family continue to occur over and over again in American society.
The first part of the explanation may have you wondering, “Where is he going with this exactly?”, but there’s a method to my madness. So, please bear with me.
I would love to hear everyone’s thoughts on my perspective in the comment section at the bottom. Please feel free to let me know if I left something out or if you have additional insight to add to the conversation.
A great deal of what I write about on The Levels of Love will be focused around this concept, so expect me to reference this entry often:
1. People aren’t open about what they really want–just sex. It really is a trip in that we live in a society where it’s so taboo for someone to come right out and say “I just want sex,” or if they strictly want something casual, but, yet, sex is literally at every corner we turn, in entertainment and advertisement. We shame the heck outta each other for just wanting sex but have absolutely no problem with our society being as over-sexualized as it is. People should be able to come out and say exactly what they want.
And, I’m not implying that because someone says they solely are interested in you for sexual reasons that you have to agree to have intercourse with them nor am I implying that if you someone is like “Thanks, but no thanks” if asked, they should catch crap for it, for rejecting someone.
I’m saying, though, we should take a closer look at why we aren’t being more open about what our true intentions are when we’re requesting to become romantically involved with someone else.
2. Many men imitate or pretend to be some pre-packed image that they saw in a movie or heard about in a song–an image of a man whom they think all women are attracted to, to get her attention, to just to get sex out of her (ei.: Trying to be a “bad boy” or a hood nigga to exhilarate or thrill a woman, trying to look rich because they think all women are attracted to money, trying to be a “rude boy” to women because they think women like a guy that can put her in her place sometimes, trying be a jock because they feel all girls want a guy with muscles, etc.)
Why do men do this?:
a. Because men are subliminally and overtly taught and pressured all their lives to think they’re superior to women and that any kind of rejection from a woman is a direct assault in their manhood–which it’s not–aka, an instilled fear of rejection, which is a byproduct of an over-inflated male ego.
b. Men don’t want to be shamed for flat-out saying how they really feel or for what they really want.
3. Women get subliminally taught, also, through entertainment and advertisement, all theirs lives, they must meet a man in order to be truly happy, and that “manhood” and “being a provider” can directly be equated to materialism, a particular lifestyle, or an image. For instance, the roughneck, tough, fast thinking, hustling, nice-car-having, tattoo-bearing street dude is what gets pushed in the movies and music as manly and sexy, because that IMAGE is portrayed as dangerous (exciting and indicative of a man’s bravery and bravado (manliness)).
But, a man who is emotionally intelligent, doesn’t feel the need to show off his money, who would rather learn how to invest and wealth build instead of making the fast buck, and who is passionate about knowledge is not widely depicted in the same manner. It’s seen as boring, dull, weak, nerdy and wimpy, not manly and strong. In turn, many women are convinced they’re attracted to this dumb crap, which has very little to do with manliness at all.
The woman that do want a man who exhibits what I consider manliness/sexiness still get unfairly lumped into the group of girls who chase after the bad boy image.
4. In reality, a lot of men try to take the nice guy route in order to get what they really want (sex), but, once they see that the girls they want keep going for the guy “with an edge” and who’s a roughneck, they imitate that guy’s behavior hoping that it will bear results.
The women, in that situation, because they guy is acting as though he sincerely interested in something long-term, think they’ve found Prince Charming, because men have become very effective at faking genuine romantic interests. And, in the end, the woman gets their heart crushed when she finds out what he was there for all along.
5. Women end up either becoming cold-hearted towards every guy, even the good and honest men. Or, they just accept the “men imitators” out of the frustration of having to shift through the multitude of dookie guys to find the upstanding ones. And, so, they just settle for whatever Joe Blow that can manage to mirror some vague semblance of “manliness.”
Women, who were taught from a very young age they need a man to be happy and that they need one rescue them from their shortcomings in life, via the Disney Movies or chick flicks, because they’re incapable of doing so themselves put up with being with the guy that doesn’t fully satisfy them. Because, the only way to be truly happy is if you’re with a man, right? :l
6. Dudes keep seeing the boo boo behavior of other men continue to be rewarded by those women who’ve settled, and they continue to think that’s what women, at their core, find these traits attractive.
In conclusion: We have a whole generation of people who just want to get laid or who genuinely want a committed relationship out here pretending to be something they’re not, all for the sake attracting the person they want.